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21.1.15

"Just Wait"

Well I should probably start by saying, I'm not sure which direction this is going to go. Whether its going to be a full out rant, or if it's going to have some kind of positive feel. I do know, however, some people will totally understand me, & some people may take offence. Regardless, these are 100% my thoughts and opinions, & you 100% do not have to agree with them :)
Being almost 32 weeks into my pregnancy with some obvious time to go still, I can say that I've had more thoughts and opinions thrown at me whether I asked for them or not. Don't get me wrong, theres been a lot of advice that I do really appreciate. I appreciate the honesty and the good intention behind it. What I'm starting to not appreciate, is all the negative behind everything. Many people seem to have a negative opinion regarding my pregnancy, my labour & birth, my newborn, and so on. 
When I say negative, I mean the horror stories people like to basically scare me with. People using my very minimal complaints against me, telling me its only going to get worse. For example, sleeping. The almighty 's word'.Let's just get one thing straight here. Some babies sleep all night. Some babies don't. Some babies are a happy medium. You do not know what my baby is going to do. You do not know how much sleep I need to function. 
I've only had a handful of good nights rest since I entered my second trimester. Blame it on pregnancy insomnia, blame it on my mine and my boyfriends conflicting sleep schedules, or blame it on my belly being in my way or having to pee 20 times a night. Regardless, I haven't been sleeping for many months. I'm quite aware of what "no sleep" means. On the positive side, I would enjoy the fact that while I was laying in bed wide awake, feeling my baby move around inside my belly, gave me some joy & excitement for whats to come. Hearing "it won't be as nice when baby is here and on the same schedule", or "just wait until the baby is here, you'll never sleep", or "it won't be as easy when you have to wake up to a crying baby" squashes any kind of positive outlook I have on my non sleeping issue. Further more, can someone please tell me why I'm going to be so upset at the fact that my baby is going to wake me up in the middle of the night? He's a little boy who's going to need me! He's going to need his mommy for food, a diaper change, or cuddles & whatever else! Also, who's to say I'm not going to completely enjoy being this little persons security blanket? I'd like to think I'm pretty smart in knowing that I may or may not sleep for a very long time when he's born & I'm okay with that. It helps that I have an amazing boyfriend who is so excited to be a dad, that he is more then wiling to also get up, all hours of the night to help, or to take care of the house while I sleep or comfort our son. Together, were going to get through any sleeping situation were dealt. 
There are a few people who have said to me how rewarding it is to wake up to your crying baby & being able to soothe him back to sleep. How amazing it is to know what your baby needs or wants & to be able to give it to him. How you feel like a frikkin superhero when you get your crying baby to stop crying and start cooing. To those people, thank you from the bottom of my heart!
The next thing that people have liked to be vocal about, is the size of my belly. I'm just going to touch on this one a little bit, since apparently the topic of sleep set me on a rant. My belly is still a part of my body. It is housing a growing human. When you tell a pregnant woman how "huge" she is, she very rarely sees it as a compliment. The further she gets in her pregnancy, hearing she's "so big" is like kicking her ego with cleats on. We are very aware that some of you are commenting on the size of the baby growing inside [most of the time], but when you're actually that big and uncomfortable, it ceases to be any kind of compliment & I for one, would appreciate being told something a little nicer & not how I'm "only going to get bigger". Here are some examples of what some wonderful people have said to me.
"You look great!"
"Pregnancy suits you!"
"Wow, you don't look 7 months pregnant.. I would have guessed 4 months tops"
"You have such a glow!"
You never know what a pregnant, emotional, hormonal mom to be is going through or has been going through. Every single pregnancy is different.... because every woman and baby are different. Someone at 6 months might look like someone else at 8 months and vice versa & thats ok! No two bellies are the same & we shouldn't be comparing them to each other. "You're so big" stops being a compliment at a very young age. There are 38470956756 other ways to compliment & not comment on a pregnant woman's growing belly. I will say, having a boyfriend or husband who reassures you daily about how beautiful you are, is a HUGE help. It almost makes all those little remarks just disappear. It's quite nice to hear "you're so beautiful" & "you have such a gorgeous belly" daily, & actually believe it!
Another thing people have been giving their opinions on, is my birth plan. I for one, am very impressed with women who can do a completely natural, vaginal birth. No induction, no epidurals, no interventions of any sort. I've only seen one birth, & let me tell you.. it sure doesn't look like a walk in the park. It's tough work bringing a human into this world! That being said, I'm trying to be very open minded as to how my birth is going to go. I know there are a million and one things that can happen while you're in labour & your plans can change in an instant. When people ask about my birth, and I say I'm going to try going all natural, the opinions start flowing. "Well you know, you could end up having a c-section", "just get the epidural", "you'll be singing a different tune when the time comes".
On a personal level, it freaks me out not knowing whats going on with my body. If I can't feel myself push because of an epidural, I'm not going to like that. If I take medication that makes me & my baby dozy and out of it, I'm not going to like that. If I get tired & a doctor takes advantage of that fact & offers a c-section to speed things up, I'm not going to like that. That being said, I'm going to do whats best for me and my baby when the time comes. Who knows how it's going to go. I have my opinions, thoughts and values. I have a semi-plan, and if all goes the way I would like it to, awesome!!! If not, oh well, at least I'll know I made choices that I was comfortable with, that got my baby here safely & thats whats important here. 
A big thing that has bugged me in general since I announced my pregnancy, is how it seems like people are literally trying to scare me. This is my first pregnancy. My first baby. Everything from 32 weeks ago until now, has been foreign and new to me. I've been doing my absolute best to not complain & to enjoy every single minute of it because it's been going by SO fast. Having people say "just you wait", "you'll see", "you're going to find out" in a negative way, makes a woman think she's going to be a walking zombie who doesn't like her baby! I know some people were probably just trying to have a conversation, but the truth is, you gotta think before you say something like that. The way your opinions are worded is a huge factor. A new mom to be is getting a million different views about a million different things all the time. I don't think saying negative things & implementing a fear that wasn't there before, is being very supportive and encouraging. 
 Were going to parent our son differently then you did, because our parenting style is going to adapt to our child's needs. Our son is going to be different then your son or daughter. Just like how my pregnancy is different from yours & so forth.
I didn't sign up for motherhood expecting everything to be perfect & go exactly the way I want it to. I, along with his father, are going to cater to this little baby boy's every need because he needs us! We are his parents & he his our baby. We are going to do everything in our power to keep him happy and healthy.
To those people who have given advice & opinions, I know you have just been trying to be helpful & sharing your experience with me. I really do appreciate hearing your stories! Thank you! I truly am thankful for everyone's kind words, encouragement, personal stories & compliments. It makes a world a difference & I really appreciate it. I hope we can all remember to be this way when it comes to someone else and their personal journey! Spread more positive vibes, happy thoughts, and sincere joy & understanding.